Monday, January 24, 2011

One is never wounded by the love one gives, only by the love one expects.

24 comments:

  1. not sure about this one. i suppose everyone who fall in love expects love in return, so when the expectation fail, the hurt is inevitable. however, ones with self-esteem would keep their confidence after the "failure", but the ones that do not have enough self esteem will take longtime to recover from the "failure" because what they seek are not "love" but "prove" of value of their life.

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  2. Yeah, love can be a double-edged sword. Hope you're staying warm.

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  3. “Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything”
    Quote from somewhere.

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  4. This is true, though I don't think it's wrong for people to expect love. Children should expect to be loved by their parents. Spouses should expect to be loved by each other. How much love and how it is showed? That's up for debate.

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  5. Hey man! Too deep! youre doing my head in!

    lost refrain

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  6. I totally agree! The trick is learning to love without expecting anything in return. I do agree with Janene that there are cases in which one has the right to expect to be loved in return, but pure, perfect love will be willing to give up that right and love whether it is returned or not.

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  7. So true. Real love doesn't have expecatations in return. It's the GIVING of the love that becomes the important part.

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  8. I have once again to consider that true. One might give all the love in the world, but if one isn't rciprocated, then what one gets in return, be it lukewarm or plain cold, hits you.

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  9. Marty, this is soooo true!We all have high expectations of receiving in kind the love that we give to others. The realization that life doesn't always work that way can be devastating. Still, we keep hoping.

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  10. too high expectation brings about frustration.

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  11. Aha! This one clears a lot of personal confusions! Thank You :)

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  12. They say that if you consider yourself lucky to be loved, then that is an antidote to expecting it as of right.

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  13. I completely agree with you. We should learn to focus more on giving love than on receiving it. Everybody will be happier, including ourselves.

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  14. I wanted to give someone I cared for an expensive piece of jewelry for an occasion before, but we were a tad rocky at the time, and I asked my buddy what I should do, since I didn't want her to leave a couple weeks after I gave her such an item. He said if I was going to give her a gift, give her a gift cause I wanted to, not with any conditions. Then if it doesn't work out, the meaning of the gift doesn't change. I was reminded of that when I read today's post. Give the love cause I want to, with no conditions. Then I don't ever have to feel like I "wasted" it or "it wasn't worth it." The reason for it never changes.

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  15. I had to read it several times and the same feeling always came to mind. We all have a way to love someone, and expect that love to come back to us in the same way and when it doesn't the wound is created. There is never anything wrong with expectations but we need to know that everyone shows love differently and the expectation should lie with that knowledge then the wounded heart can take a rest. Another thing is to find someone that loves the way you know how to love therefore your expectations are always met without you knowing your expecting things cause they are fulfilled. Love is beautiful, expectations is what you make that expectation to be, could be love, or could turn to hurt.
    Marty, i loved that so much and cause of the pain i suffered i cant agree with you more it was the pain of the expectations that was never met :)

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  16. Such a profound expression! Much of the hurt can be traced to "wounded ...only by the love one expect"

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  17. Marty, you want my job? That's what I've been saying to patients for 30 odd years....:)

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  18. So totally true. Love given can bring you to anger, but it can never bring you to hurt. Love is strong and sanguine.

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  19. Very true. With love you can fall deep..you may learn to hold back and only give what you feel you can loose without pain. There is nothing like young love..you give your all.

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  20. I fully agree. I had a post that touched on this subject.

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  21. It seems that we often want love returned in the way that we feel it should, rather than in the way the loved one is capable of returning it.

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  22. Nice One, yes setting expectations too high is a sure way to fail at anything you do...including love.

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  23. OooooH So true NP but that's got to do with the programming we received since birth!

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